Parents & family ties

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بِن مَسْعُودٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: سَأَلْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أَيُّ العَمَلِ أَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ؟ قَالَ: «الصَّلاَةُ عَلَى وَقْتِهَا»، قَالَ: ثُمَّ أَيٌّ؟ قَالَ: «ثُمَّ بِرُّ الوَالِدَيْنِ» قَالَ: ثُمَّ أَيٌّ؟ قَالَ: «الجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ» قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي بِهِنَّ، وَلَوِ اسْتَزَدْتُهُ لَزَادَنِي.

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) was asked: Which deed is dearest to Allah? He said: Offering the obligatory prayer at its appointed time prescribed by the Legislator. Then, being dutiful to one's parents by being kind to them, fulfilling their rights, and refraining from being undutiful to them. Then, making Jihad in the cause of Allah with one's life and wealth to make Allah's word supreme, defend the religion of Islam and its people, and spread its rituals. Ibn Mas‘ūd (may Allah be pleased with him) said: He informed me of these deeds, and if I had said to him: Then, what comes next? he would have informed me of more.

• Deeds vary in their merit according to how dear they are to Allah.
• Urging Muslims to be keen on performing deeds according to their degree of superiority.
• The Prophet's replies concerning the best of deeds vary according to the various questioners, their conditions, and what is more beneficial to each of them.

صحيح البخاري (1/ 112) (527). صحيح مسلم (1/ 90) (85). الإلمام بشرح عمدة الأحكام، لإسماعيل الأنصاري (1/ 70). تيسير العلام شرح عمدة الأحكام، للبسام (ص84). تنبيه الأفهام شرح عمدة الأحكام، لابن عثيمين (1/ 108).

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال: جاء رجل إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: يا رسول الله، مَنْ أحقُّ الناس بِحُسن صَحَابَتِي؟ قال: «أمك» قال: ثم مَنْ ؟ قال: «أمك»، قال: ثم مَنْ؟ قال: «أمك»، قال: ثم مَنْ؟ قال: «أبوك». متفق عليه. وفي رواية: يا رسول الله، مَنْ أحقُّ بحُسْنِ الصُّحْبَةِ؟ قال: «أمك، ثم أمك، ثم أمك، ثم أباك، ثم أدْنَاك أدْنَاك».

This Hadīth indicates that both parents have a right to good companionship and utmost care of their affairs. Allah says: {Accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness} [Sūrat Luqmān: 31]. However, the right of the mother precedes the right of the father by far. The father's right was not mentioned except after the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) had emphasized the right of the mother by mentioning her three times. The mother's status is greater than the father's status, even though they both raise and bring up their children - the father with his wealth and care, and the mother with her services such as preparing their food, drinks, clothes, beds, etc. In fact, the mother suffers in raising her children greater than the father. She carries the child in her womb for nine months adding more to her pain and weakness; she gives birth to the child with hardship and severe pain as if she is almost dying; and she breast-feeds the child for two years during which she remains awake in order for him to relax and spares no effort of his betterment regardless of her pains. The Qur'an described these experiences saying: {And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months} [Sūrat al-Ahqāf: 15]. In this verse, Allah enjoined man to be dutiful to his parents and justified this injunction by listing only the suffering the mother endures as a sort of highlighting her great right on the children. Good companionship with the parents includes providing their food, drink, accommodation, clothing, and the other needs of living, particularly when they are needy. Moreover, if your parents' standard of living is low or adequate and you lead a luxurious and comfortable life, then you should raise them to your living standard or even higher. Doing this is part of your good companionship to the parents. Remember what Prophet Yūsuf did with his parents; when he was granted sovereignty, he raised his parents upon the throne after bringing them from the desert. The best manifestation of good companionship is what Allah said: {And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small"} [Sūrat al-Isrā': 23-24] So, hold back your tongue from saying bad words to them and keep them far from all things that could harm them. Speak to them kindly and be humble and obedient to them. Always supplicate to Allah for them sincerely from your heart and soul and say: "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small." Do not forget to provide your mother with special and greater care as implied by divine revelation and stated in this Hadīth.

- شرح صحيح البخارى لابن بطال - تحقيق: أبو تميم ياسر بن إبراهيم مكتبة الرشد - السعودية، الرياض الطبعة: الثانية، 1423هـ - 2003م. - الأدب النبوي لمحمد الخَوْلي، ط4، دار المعرفة - بيروت، 1423 هـ. - بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين لسليم الهلالي، ط1، دار ابن الجوزي، الدمام، 1415ه. - رياض الصالحين للنووي، ط1، تحقيق: ماهر ياسين الفحل، دار ابن كثير، دمشق، بيروت، 1428 هـ. - رياض الصالحين، تحقيق: عصام هادي، وزارة الأوقاف والشؤون الإسلامية القطرية، دار الريان، بيروت، ط4، 1428هـ. - شرح رياض الصالحين للشيخ ابن عثيمين، دار الوطن للنشر، الرياض، 1426هـ. - شرح صحيح البخارى لابن بطال، تحقيق: أبو تميم ياسر بن إبراهيم، ط2، مكتبة الرشد - السعودية، الرياض، 1423هـ. - صحيح البخاري، تحقيق: محمد زهير بن ناصر الناصر دار طوق النجاة (مصورة عن السلطانية بإضافة ترقيم: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي)، ط1، 1422ه. - صحيح مسلم، تحقيق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي، دار إحياء التراث العربي، بيروت. - نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين لمجموعة من الباحثين، ط14، مؤسسة الرسالة، 1407هـ.

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «رَغِمَ أَنْفُ، ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ، ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ»، قِيلَ: مَنْ؟ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ قَالَ: «مَنْ أَدْرَكَ أَبَوَيْهِ عِنْدَ الْكِبَرِ، أَحَدَهُمَا أَوْ كِلَيْهِمَا فَلَمْ يَدْخُلِ الْجَنَّةَ».

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) invoked humiliation and disgrace to the extent that it was as if he had put his nose in the dust - repeating this thrice. He was, thus, asked: O Messenger of Allah, who is this one against whom you supplicated? He (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: The one whose parents—one of them or both—reached old age in his life, and they were not a means of admitting him to Paradise given his unkindness and undutifulness towards them.

• Dutifulness to parents, especially in their old age and weakness, is obligatory and one of the means of entering Paradise.
• Undutifulness to parents is one of the major sins.

صحيح مسلم (4/ 1978) (2551). بهجة الناظرين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 394). نزهة المتقين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 308). فيض القدير شرح الجامع الصغير، زين الدين المناوي (4/ 34). شرح النووي على مسلم، (16/ 108).

عن عبد الله بن عمرو رضي الله عنهما عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: «رضا الله في رضا الوالدين، وسَخَطُ الله في سَخَطِ الوالدين».

This Hadīth states that Allah, the Exalted, has linked His pleasure to the pleasure of the parents (with their child), and His displeasure to their displeasure. Hence, whoever pleases his parents pleases Allah, the Exalted, and whoever displeases them displeases Allah.

تسهيل الالمام، للشيخ الفوزان، طبعة الرسالة، الطبعة الأولى 1427 – 2006 م. منحة العلام في شرح بلوغ المرام، لعبد الله الفوزان، دار ابن الجوزي، ط1 1428هـ. توضِيحُ الأحكَامِ مِن بُلوُغ المَرَام، للبسام، مكتَبة الأسدي، مكّة المكرّمة، الطبعة: الخامِسَة، 1423 هـ - 2003 م. فتح ذي الجلال والاكرام بشرح بلوغ المرام، للشيخ ابن عثيمين، مدار الوطن للنشر، الطبعة الأولى 1430 - 2009م. بلوغ المرام من أدلة الأحكام، لابن حجر، دار الفلق، الرياض، الطبعة: السابعة، 1424هـ. صحيح الترغيب والترهيب، الألباني، مكتبة المعارف، الرياض. سنن الترمذي، محمد بن عيسى أبو عيسى الترمذي السلمي، دار إحياء التراث العربي، بيروت، تحقيق: أحمد محمد شاكر وآخرون.

عن عبد الله بن عمرو رضي الله عنهما عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: «لَيْسَ الْوَاصِلُ بِالْمُكَافِئِ، وَلَكِنِ الْوَاصِلُ الَّذِي إِذَا قُطِعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وَصَلَهَا».

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) mentions that the one who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship and shows kindness to his relatives is not that person who repays kindness with kindness, but the one who truly and perfectly upholds kinship ties is the one with whom if the ties of kinship are severed, he maintains them; and if they do wrong to him, he responds to them with goodness.

• Maintaining kinship ties in the Shariah is when you maintain the ties with those who sever them, forgive those who do wrong to you, and give to those who refuse to give to you; it is not about reciprocating goodness with goodness.
• Ties with one's relatives are maintained by showing as much good to them as possible, in the form of money, supplication, commanding the right and forbidding the wrong, and so on, and by averting evil from them to the best of one's ability.

صحيح البخاري (8/ 6) (5991). منار القاري شرح مختصر صحيح البخاري، لحمزة محمد قاسم (5/ 242). بهجة الناظرين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 397). نزهة المتقين، لمصطفى الخن وغيره (1/ 311). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 190).

عن أنس بن مالك رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: «مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ، وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ، فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ».

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) urges the upholding of kinship ties by visiting, physically and financially honoring, and the like. It points out that it is a cause for expanding sustenance and prolonging lifespan.

• Kinship refers to our relatives on the mother's and father's side. The closer the relative, the worthier he is in having his kinship ties maintained.
• Recompense is of the same type as the action. So, whoever maintains his kinship ties by kindness and benevolence, Allah maintains him in terms of his lifespan and sustenance.
• Upholding kinship ties is a cause for the increase and expansion of sustenance and the prolongation of lifespan. Although people's lifespan and sustenance are fixed, this may indicate the existence of blessings in their lifespan and sustenance. So, a person utilizes his lifespan more and better than others. It is also said to mean a real increase in one's sustenance and lifespan - And Allah knows best.

صحيح البخاري (8/ 5) (5986). صحيح مسلم (4/ 1982) (2557). توضيح الأحكام من بلوغ المرام، للبسام (7/ 320). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 188). فتح ذي الجلال والإكرام شرح بلوغ المرام، لابن عثيمين (6/ 275). تطريز رياض الصالحين، لفيصل المبارك (ص224). منحة العلام في شرح بلوغ المرام، لعبد الله الفوزان (10/ 81).

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه: أَنَّ رَجُلًا قَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونِي، وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَيَّ، وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَيَّ، فَقَالَ: «لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ، فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ وَلَا يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ».

A man complained to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) about his relatives and kins and how he treats them kindly, but they treat him in the opposite manner. He maintains kinship ties with them and visits them, but they sever ties with him. He shows them kindness and loyalty, but they treat him unfairly and roughly. He tolerates and pardons them, but they are intolerant towards him, and this shows in their bad words and actions. Should he continue maintaining kinship ties with them despite what is mentioned? The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said to him: If the case is the way you mentioned, then you disgrace and degrade them before their own selves as if you are feeding them hot ashes, given your abundant kindness and their hideous way of acting. You will continue to have a supporter against them from Allah that wards off their harm as long as you continue to be kind to them as mentioned and as long as they keep treating you badly.

• Reciprocating offense with kindness is most likely expected to make the offender return to the truth, as Allah Almighty says: {Repel evil with what is good; the one whom you have enmity with will become as if he were a close friend.}
• Obeying Allah's command, even if one is subject to harm, is a cause for the believer to receive support from Allah.
• Severing kinship ties entails pain and torment in this world as well as guilt and recompense in the Hereafter.
• A Muslim should seek reward from Allah for his righteous deeds and should not stop his kind habit because of people's abuse and their severing ties with him.
• The upholder of kinship ties is not the one who maintains ties with those who maintain ties with him; rather, the true upholder of kinship ties is the one who maintains ties with those who sever ties with him.

صحيح مسلم (4/ 1982) (2558). كنوز رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (9/ 220). بهجة الناظرين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 698). نزهة المتقين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 539). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 188).