Raising children

عن عمرو بن شُعيب عن أبيه عن جدِّه قال: قال رسولُ الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «مُرُوا أولادكمِ بالصلاةِ وهم أبناءُ سبعِ سِنينَ، واضرِبوهم عليها وهم أبناءُ عَشرٍ، وفرِّقوا بينهم في المَضاجِعِ».

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) clarified that the father should command his children - boys and girls - to pray when they are seven years old, and he should teach them what they need to establish prayer. On reaching ten, he should add the beating if they show negligence in observing the prayer. Moreover, he should separate them in beds.

• Teaching young children before reaching the age of puberty matters of religion, the most important of which is prayer.
• Beating should be for the sake of discipline, not torture, so he should beat in a way that suits the child's circumstance.
• The Shariah cares about protecting people's honor and blocks all means that may lead to corruption.

سنن أبي داود (1/ 367) (495، 496). نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين، مجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 299). بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 382).

عَنْ أَبِي العَبَّاسِ، عَبْدِ الله بْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا قَالَ: كُنْت خَلْفَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَوْمًا، فَقَالَ: «يَا غُلَامِ! إنِّي أُعَلِّمُك كَلِمَاتٍ: احْفَظِ اللَّهَ يَحْفَظْكَ، احْفَظِ الله تَجِدْهُ تُجَاهَكَ، إذَا سَأَلْتَ فَاسْأَلِ اللهَ، وَإِذَا اسْتَعَنْتَ فَاسْتَعِنْ بِاَللهِ، وَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ الأُمَّةَ لَوْ اجْتَمَعَتْ عَلَى أَنْ يَنْفَعُوكَ بِشَيْءٍ لَمْ يَنْفَعُوكَ إلَّا بِشَيْءٍ قَدْ كَتَبَهُ اللَّهُ لَكَ، وَإِنِ اجْتَمَعُوا عَلَى أَنْ يَضُرُّوكَ بِشَيْءٍ لَمْ يَضُرُّوكَ إلَّا بِشَيْءٍ قَدْ كَتَبَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكَ؛ رُفِعَتِ الأَقْلَامُ، وَجَفَّتِ الصُّحُفُ». وَفِي رِوَايَةِ غَيْرِ التِّرْمِذِيِّ: «احْفَظِ اللهَ تَجِدْهُ أَمَامَكَ، تَعَرَّفْ إلَى اللهِ فِي الرَّخَاءِ يَعْرِفْكَ فِي الشِّدَّةِ، وَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ مَا أَخْطَأَكَ لَمْ يَكُنْ لِيُصِيبَكَ، وَمَا أَصَابَك لَمْ يَكُنْ لِيُخْطِئَكَ، وَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ النَّصْرَ مَعَ الصَّبْرِ، وَأَنْ الفَرَجَ مَعَ الكَرْبِ، وَأَنَّ مَعَ العُسْرِ يُسْرًا».

Ibn ‘Abbās (may Allah be pleased with him) informs that one day, as a boy, he was riding behind the Prophet (ﷺ), and he said to him: I will teach you things by which Allah will benefit you: Be mindful of Allah by observing His commands and prohibitions, finding you engaged in acts of worship and piety, and not finding you committing sins and misdeeds. If you do so, your recompense will be that Allah will protect you from unpleasant things in this world and the Hereafter and support you in your matters wherever you go. If you want to ask for something, do not ask anyone but Allah, for He alone responds to those who ask. And if you need help, do not seek help except from Allah. You should be certain that no benefit will come to you, even if all the earth's inhabitants were to gather together to bring it to you, except if Allah had predestined it for you; and no harm will happen to you, even if all the inhabitants of the earth were to gather together to cause it to you, except if Allah had predestined it for you. Allah Almighty had written and predestined this matter according to His wisdom and knowledge, and whatever Allah had written cannot be changed. Whoever is mindful of Allah by preserving His commands and avoiding His prohibitions, Allah Almighty will be before him, knowing his state, supporting and aiding him. If a person obeys Allah in times of ease, Allah will grant him relief and a way out in times of hardship. Every servant should be content with what Allah has decreed for him, whether good or bad. In the face of trials and hardships, the servant must adhere to patience, for patience is the key to relief. When distress intensifies, relief comes from Allah, and whenever hardship occurs, Allah follows it with ease.

• The Hadīth shows the significance of teaching children the religious matters of monotheism, ethics, and so on.
• Recompense is of the same type as one's deed.
• We are required to trust and rely upon Allah Almighty alone. He is the best Disposer of affairs.
• We are required to believe in and be content with the divine decree and predestination and that Allah has predestined everything.
• Whoever neglects the commands of Allah, Allah will abandon him and will not protect him.
• It gives great news that when a person is tested with a hardship, ease is soon to come.
• It contains solace and comfort to whoever is afflicted by a disaster or the loss of something dear, as suggested by his words: "And know that what had befallen you was not going to miss you, and what had missed you was not going to befall you." The first sentence provides comfort in case of the occurrence of something unpleasant, while the second addresses the loss of something dear.

سنن الترمذي (4/ 284) (2516). التحفة الربانية في شرح الأربعين حديثًا النووية (ص42). شرح الأربعين النووية، لابن عثيمين (ص200). فتح القوي المتين في شرح الأربعين وتتمة الخمسين، للعباد (ص69).

عن أبي قَتَادَةَ الأَنْصَارِيِّ رضي الله عنه قال: «أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم كان يُصَلِّي وهو حامل أُمَامَةَ بنت زينب بنت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ». ولأبي العاص بن الربيع بن عبد شَمْسٍ رضي الله عنه : «فإذا سجد وضعها، وإذا قام حملها».

The Hadīth informs that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) would occasionally carry Umāmah, the daughter of his daughter Zaynab, while he was in prayer. He would put her on his shoulder when he was standing and place her on the ground when he bowed or prostrated himself. He did this out of love and affection.

تيسير العلام للبسام الناشر: مكتبة الصحابة، الأمارات - مكتبة التابعين، القاهرة الطبعة- العاشرة، 1426 هـ - 2006 م . تنبيه الأفهام للعثيمين -طبعة مكتبة الصحابة الامارات - مكتبة التابعين- القاهرة- الطبعة الأولى 1426. صحيح البخاري -أبو عبد الله محمد بن إسماعيل بن إبراهيم بن المغيرة الجعفي البخاري، تحقيق محمد زهير بن ناصر الناصر - الناشر : دار طوق النجاة -الطبعة : الأولى 1422هـ. صحيح مسلم المحقق: محمد فؤاد عبد الباقي - الناشر: دار إحياء التراث العربي – بيروت. تأسيس الأحكام -أحمد بن يحيى النجمي- دار المنهاج- القاهرة- مصر -الطبعة الأولى.

عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «مَنْ عَالَ جَارِيَتَيْنِ حَتَّى تَبْلُغَا جَاءَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَنَا وَهُوَ» وَضَمَّ أَصَابِعَهُ.

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) informed that one who is granted two daughters, or two sisters, and he takes care of them by providing for them, raising them, directing them to goodness, and warning them against evil and the like until they grow up and reach puberty, he will come on the Day of Judgment along with the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) like these two, and he joined his index and middle fingers.

• The great reward for the one who looks after his daughters by providing for them and raising them until they get married or reach puberty, and the same applies to his sisters.
• The reward for looking after daughters is greater than that of looking after sons, as nothing similar to this was mentioned about them. This is because providing for daughters and taking care of their affairs is greater than taking care of the sons' affairs since they are ‘Awrah (should be covered) and cannot manage their affairs or act like boys. Moreover, a father does not aspire to seek strength in his daughters against enemies, as is the case with his sons, or to depend on them to keep his name alive and the continuity of his progeny. Hence, one who provides for his daughters needs to be patient, sincere, and have a good intention, and this is why the reward is great, as he will be a companion of the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) on the Day of Judgment.
• Signs of puberty for a woman: reaching the age of fifteen, menstruating even before the age of fifteen, having pubic hair, which is the coarse hair that grows around the genitals, or having a nocturnal emission, which is the discharge of semen during sleep.
• Al-Qurtubi said: By reaching puberty, he means reaching a state of independence, and in the case of women, they reach this state only when their husbands consummate the marriage with them. So, he is not referring here to their reaching puberty by menstruating and becoming religiously accountable, since a girl can get married before this and becomes in no need of a caretaker other than the husband, or she may menstruate without being independent in any of her interests, and if she is left alone, she might be lost and her affairs might be ruined. Rather, in this case she is even more entitled to support and protection and needs her caretaker to provide her with full protection until she gets married. Based on this meaning, our scholars stated that a girl's father is not exempted from providing for her when she reaches puberty but only when her husband consummates the marriage with her.

صحيح مسلم (4/ 2027) (2631). بهجة الناظرين شرح رياض الصالحين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 352). تطريز رياض الصالحين، لفيصل آل مبارك (ص198). كنوز رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (5/ 144). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 105). نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 276).

عَنْ عَائِشَةَ أُمِّ المؤْمِنين رَضيَ اللهُ عنها قَالَتْ: جَاءَتْنِي مِسْكِينَةٌ تَحْمِلُ ابْنَتَيْنِ لَهَا، فَأَطْعَمْتُهَا ثَلَاثَ تَمَرَاتٍ، فَأَعْطَتْ كُلَّ وَاحِدَةٍ مِنْهُمَا تَمْرَةً، وَرَفَعَتْ إِلَى فِيهَا تَمْرَةً لِتَأْكُلَهَا، فَاسْتَطْعَمَتْهَا ابْنَتَاهَا، فَشَقَّتِ التَّمْرَةَ الَّتِي كَانَتْ تُرِيدُ أَنْ تَأْكُلَهَا بَيْنَهُمَا، فَأَعْجَبَنِي شَأْنُهَا، فَذَكَرْتُ الَّذِي صَنَعَتْ لِرَسُولِ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَقَالَ: «إِنَّ اللهَ قَدْ أَوْجَبَ لَهَا بِهَا الْجَنَّةَ، أَوْ أَعْتَقَهَا بِهَا مِنَ النَّارِ».

The Mother of the Believers, ‘Ā’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that a poor woman carrying her two daughters came begging her. She gave her three dates. The woman gave each daughter one date and raised the third to her mouth to eat it. But her daughters asked for that date too, so she split it between them. ‘Ā’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was deeply moved by her conduct and mentioned the woman's action to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him). He said: "Indeed, Allah has made Paradise obligatory for her because of it, or He has freed her from Hellfire because of it."

• The merit of charity, even if small, for it demonstrates the believer’s sincerity in his belief in his Lord, and his trust in Allah's promise and bounty.
• The profound mercy of mothers toward their children and their intense fear for their well-being.
• The merit of selflessness, compassion toward children, and exceptional kindness and gentleness toward daughters, for these are causes of entering Paradise and salvation from Hellfire.
• One should not refrain from giving charity due to the smallness of the amount. Rather, the giver should donate whatever is easy for them, whether a little or much.
• This Hadīth reveals the condition of the Prophet's household and how he and his family lived when there was nothing in their home to eat except one date or three dates.

صحيح مسلم (4/ 2027) (2630). تطريز رياض الصالحين، لفيصل آل مبارك (ص199). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 111). نزهة المتقين شرح رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 278).