Family Ties

عن عبد الله بن عمرو رضي الله عنهما عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: «لَيْسَ الْوَاصِلُ بِالْمُكَافِئِ، وَلَكِنِ الْوَاصِلُ الَّذِي إِذَا قُطِعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وَصَلَهَا».

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) mentions that the one who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship and shows kindness to his relatives is not that person who repays kindness with kindness, but the one who truly and perfectly upholds kinship ties is the one with whom if the ties of kinship are severed, he maintains them; and if they do wrong to him, he responds to them with goodness.

• Maintaining kinship ties in the Shariah is when you maintain the ties with those who sever them, forgive those who do wrong to you, and give to those who refuse to give to you; it is not about reciprocating goodness with goodness.
• Ties with one's relatives are maintained by showing as much good to them as possible, in the form of money, supplication, commanding the right and forbidding the wrong, and so on, and by averting evil from them to the best of one's ability.

صحيح البخاري (8/ 6) (5991). منار القاري شرح مختصر صحيح البخاري، لحمزة محمد قاسم (5/ 242). بهجة الناظرين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 397). نزهة المتقين، لمصطفى الخن وغيره (1/ 311). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 190).

عن أنس بن مالك رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: «مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ، وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ، فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ».

The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) urges the upholding of kinship ties by visiting, physically and financially honoring, and the like. It points out that it is a cause for expanding sustenance and prolonging lifespan.

• Kinship refers to our relatives on the mother's and father's side. The closer the relative, the worthier he is in having his kinship ties maintained.
• Recompense is of the same type as the action. So, whoever maintains his kinship ties by kindness and benevolence, Allah maintains him in terms of his lifespan and sustenance.
• Upholding kinship ties is a cause for the increase and expansion of sustenance and the prolongation of lifespan. Although people's lifespan and sustenance are fixed, this may indicate the existence of blessings in their lifespan and sustenance. So, a person utilizes his lifespan more and better than others. It is also said to mean a real increase in one's sustenance and lifespan - And Allah knows best.

صحيح البخاري (8/ 5) (5986). صحيح مسلم (4/ 1982) (2557). توضيح الأحكام من بلوغ المرام، للبسام (7/ 320). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 188). فتح ذي الجلال والإكرام شرح بلوغ المرام، لابن عثيمين (6/ 275). تطريز رياض الصالحين، لفيصل المبارك (ص224). منحة العلام في شرح بلوغ المرام، لعبد الله الفوزان (10/ 81).

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه: أَنَّ رَجُلًا قَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونِي، وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَيَّ، وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَيَّ، فَقَالَ: «لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ، فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ وَلَا يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ».

A man complained to the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) about his relatives and kins and how he treats them kindly, but they treat him in the opposite manner. He maintains kinship ties with them and visits them, but they sever ties with him. He shows them kindness and loyalty, but they treat him unfairly and roughly. He tolerates and pardons them, but they are intolerant towards him, and this shows in their bad words and actions. Should he continue maintaining kinship ties with them despite what is mentioned? The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said to him: If the case is the way you mentioned, then you disgrace and degrade them before their own selves as if you are feeding them hot ashes, given your abundant kindness and their hideous way of acting. You will continue to have a supporter against them from Allah that wards off their harm as long as you continue to be kind to them as mentioned and as long as they keep treating you badly.

• Reciprocating offense with kindness is most likely expected to make the offender return to the truth, as Allah Almighty says: {Repel evil with what is good; the one whom you have enmity with will become as if he were a close friend.}
• Obeying Allah's command, even if one is subject to harm, is a cause for the believer to receive support from Allah.
• Severing kinship ties entails pain and torment in this world as well as guilt and recompense in the Hereafter.
• A Muslim should seek reward from Allah for his righteous deeds and should not stop his kind habit because of people's abuse and their severing ties with him.
• The upholder of kinship ties is not the one who maintains ties with those who maintain ties with him; rather, the true upholder of kinship ties is the one who maintains ties with those who sever ties with him.

صحيح مسلم (4/ 1982) (2558). كنوز رياض الصالحين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (9/ 220). بهجة الناظرين، لسليم الهلالي (1/ 698). نزهة المتقين، لمجموعة من الباحثين (1/ 539). شرح رياض الصالحين، لابن عثيمين (3/ 188).